there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
