dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it was like eating out sand paper
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
