he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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