you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
