He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
