There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
