Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
you made out with another girl for some wings
If I die, sorry about rent.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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