you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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