im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I would ride that face into the sunset
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
