Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
