Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
