I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
