im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He shit in the fireplace
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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