I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
