my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My brain says no but my pants say off.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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