I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
