you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
