tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I need a burrito and a hug.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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