Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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