There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
