i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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