please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
