She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
