ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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