I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
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