How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
