what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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