I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
