Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
