3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
