his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
