he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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