Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
