my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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