i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
