Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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