I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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