don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
