Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
