you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
