I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
