had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
