I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The uberlube is also flammable
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
