The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
