I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I puked a lego.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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