I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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