she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
