My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
