dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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