she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
