So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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