I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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